It was probably difficult for your child to tell you that they are feeling depressed, need therapy, or even need medication.
Acknowledge their feelings - let them know that their feelings are valid and they are heard.
Your child just needs your love and support.
They need to know that they are not alone in this fight.
Here are 5 things you should know that may (or may not) help you:
1. Don’t blame yourself
As parents, you want to protect your child from everything. You want to keep them safe and shield them from the world. If they are struggling with their mental health you do not need to blame yourself for not protecting them enough. I know it feels like you have done something wrong somewhere - but don’t overthink it (unless they tell you).
2. Be supportive
This is by far the most important point to focus on. The way you unconditionally love your child, they need your unconditional support. They need you to give them the space to exist. They need you to be there for them (even if you don’t understand).
Saying phrases like “I am here you” , “I support you” or “We will figure this out together” could be helpful.
They need to know that you have their back - no matter what.
3. Try to be understanding
For a lot of people this could feel new. Oh my child has always been so happy, we have provided everything for her - how can she be depressed? Feeling something like that? Let’s look at what you can do for your child now.
Look at some resources - read articles, blogs, books, talk to therapists or even people you know are struggling with their mental health. Try your best to educate yourself so you know how you can help your child.
It’s okay if you cannot understand what they are experiencing. Accept that you do not understand it - but take that extra step to try.
4. Help them
In certain cultures it feels like taboo to seek therapy - here is where you come in. You would not think twice to call your doctor if your child was unwell, the same should apply here. Find a psychologist or psychiatrist. Book the appointment for them or let them do it themselves.
5. Learn with them
Learning with them is very important. Understand what their triggers are - what are things that make their anxiety or depression worse.
For example, when I have been depressed I tend to stay awake most of the night and sleep most of the day. I have no motivation to do anything and I feel completely worthless. Now this sometimes comes across as me being ‘lazy.’ So when someone tells me I'm being lazy - I never knew how to tell them I just didn’t care about myself and I had no motivation to do anything because I was depressed.
Similarly, sometimes we tend to mix up the symptoms and attribute those to personality traits - which is not the case. Try to question yourself when you say such things to your children.
These are honestly the most basic things that you can do when you find out about your child being depressed. Also remember, along with fighting their mental illness, they are fighting the stigma related to it - which is why it is important that you provide them with a judgement-free zone for them to be themselves.
I know you care for your child, which is why you are reading this in the first place. You have already taken the first step in helping them. Try and talk to them about how they are feeling and what you can do to help them. Not every child will want to talk to their parents (and that is okay) - in that case just let them know you are there for them no matter what.
Rethink your previous notions on mental health and Reach Out to your children.
They need you.
Disclaimer: This is written from my personal experience and not every child/parent relationship is like this. These thoughts may not apply to your child. I recommend seeking professional help for you to understand your child more.
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