You're too sensitive

We live in era of political correctness. The ways in which we address each other – beyond using correct pronouns and extending basic courtesies – are governed by our new understanding of inclusion and respect, regardless of our skin colour, race, socioeconomic status, or where we are from. We understand that there are things that may offend you that might not offend me, and vice versa. However, that does not mean that either of us “cannot take a joke” or “are too sensitive.” There are certain statements that just do not sit right with us. Many of us have a strong notion of right and wrong. Many of us have certain triggers. Some of us may have several triggers. That’s a product of how we have processed our life experiences and learnings. It doesn’t mean we are “too emotional” or “too sensitive.”

I have been labeled “overly sensitive” for crying over issues others might consider small, or for arguing with someone over something that seemed unimportant to them. We have all had experiences—whether they were happy, traumatic, scary, or beautiful—that have shaped us and invariably made us resilient, but also vulnerable to different things. We are all works in progress. We evolve over time. We won’t necessarily always react to these triggers in the same way. But we should still be mindful and considerate of each other. As they say, you never know what series of incidences and experiences have made a person who they are today, so we must refrain from judging people. For example, I have been dealing with remarks about my weight for as long as I can remember. I didn’t consider myself “fat” until I was repeatedly told I needed to lose weight. It is something I have been battling with for years, and still struggle with. Because of this, when someone cracks a joke related to food or my weight, I do feel upset. My reaction to having a different experience with food and weight than the person making the joke does not make me “too sensitive.”

Remember that being sensitive is a good quality. A sensitive person doesn’t just process their own emotions openly, they are also more compassionate and empathetic to the emotions of other people around them. So when you are labeled as being “too sensitive,” you have to wonder what it means. I have always tried to be open with my feelings – I cry when I feel like it, I don’t think about whether people will judge me for it, or feel awkward about it. Crying is a cathartic experience as it allows you to feel everything deeply, and move on. So, if someone makes a comment about my weight, I might feel an old wound reopen, and I might burst into tears. But I recognize that everyone has the right to say what they please. It’s just as important to recognize that everyone also has the right to react and feel the way they do. Irrespective of who the person is—be it family, friends, significant other, therapist, or a stranger—I believe everyone has the right to feel what they do without having to hear sly remarks or directed insults about their emotions.

This is especially important to acknowledge when the person reacting ‘sensitively’ is struggling with a mental disorder. While it might appear to you that they are being “too sensitive,” now is when you need to refrain from a natural tendency to “fix” them. I do understand that all these words and reactions come from a place of compassion, but we are not broken and do not require fixing. We just need to heal and feel like we are in a safe space. Even though a stranger’s words might hurt, it is perhaps worse, when the accusations and misunderstandings come from our loved ones. The ones we love the most have the power to hurt us the most too, especially when they fail to understand the effect their words have on us. But, the ones we love the most also have the power to help heal us. The reason I started writing this blog was to help those with mental disorders by helping their loved ones understand what they feel.

This is for the parents and grandparents who blamed themselves when their children broke down, for the friends who felt helpless when their loved ones were having panic attacks, for that roommate who could not understand why her roomie is in bed all day, for that stranger who sees someone struggle and does not know how to help, and lastly, for those that have to put on a brave face every day because the people around them do not understand how lonely and painful mental disorders are.

Dealing with the pain every day along with our inner critic constantly telling us where we messed up, adds to the wound. We are not “too sensitive” or making a big deal out of nothing, we are just struggling to find the words to explain something we don’t fully understand ourselves. We face a battle every day and it’s not about winning; it’s about survival. Being kind to someone does not take much, being understanding and respectful requires the same amount of effort it takes to love the person. Try to make that effort. Appreciate their sensitivities in the same way you’d empathize with anyone else’s. Try and recognize their triggers. Provide your loved ones with a space where they feel comfortable to heal and grow into the people they know they are.