Honestly, I asked myself this question several times – what was I trying to achieve? Simply put, I started writing as a way to better understand what I was feeling. Trying to put into words how alienated or supported I felt was extremely hard, but it made me think hard. What was I expecting from others? How did I feel when they disappointed or delighted me with their reactions and support? What did I really need? How did I need it demonstrated? Why did I need it at all? What made me feel this way to start with? Writing didn’t provide me with all the answers, but it certainly pushed me to ask the right questions. I’ve always prided myself on being someone who cares for others and is extremely empathetic. Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten to take care of myself. (I know I’m not the only one who does that.) Writing helped me focus on myself and my own emotions. It has helped me become more compassionate towards myself. So, do I keep writing hoping that I will understand myself even more and eventually learn to love and fully accept myself? Perhaps.
But there are two other important reasons I keep writing this blog.
First, I want it to help others. I want it to serve as a resource to others who might be experiencing something similar. On this long and painful journey full of tears, hurt, sorrow, laughter, anger, and fear, I slowly began to realize how difficult it was to experience it alone. I knew I was not okay, other people knew I was not okay, and the only barrier was that there were no words to explain how anyone felt. Mental illness doesn’t come with a handbook explaining every emotional outburst that we are facing – it comes with pain and a question – why me? why am I feeling like this? What is wrong with me? The answer is nothing. There is nothing wrong with any of us. And you’re not alone, even if you feel like you are. There are millions of people struggling every day, just like you. I hope this blog convinces you of that.
This brings me to the final reason: Millions of us wrestle with our emotions every day, struggling to survive the negative feelings, anxiety, depression, helplessness, hopelessness or panic they bring to the surface. Yet, we have been programmed by society to keep it all inside us, to show up every day with a happy face and pretend that everything is fine. We have been trained to feel ashamed of feeling all our emotions. Why do we panic before telling someone we have been diagnosed with a mental illness? Why does mental illness carry a stigma? We don’t judge people or think less of them when they have a cold, a flu, or cancer. If physical illnesses are treated straightforwardly, shouldn’t that be the case with mental illness too?
Mental health is something all of us need to recognize, maintain and treat when the need arises, just like our physical health. For some of us, exercise and yoga might be enough to keep our minds strong and healthy, for others it could be painting, meditation, playing a sport or cooking. For others, therapy, medication or a combination of them is necessary. But every single person needs to take care of their mind as well as their body. I hope that by opening up about my own mental health, by speaking honestly, by creating a platform for others to do the same, by creating a community of us, we can start chipping away at this old stigma, and get rid of it once and for all. We will all be happier and healthier as a result.
I want this blog to be a place where people with mental illnesses can feel like they are not alone. I want this to be a place where anyone who knows someone in their lives who is facing a troubling time can turn to when they need to understand the one suffering.
Learning is just the first step. We need to reach out and offer support, love and compassion to those around us. The talk on mental health does not just stop here. It should reach the tiny places in our relationships where people are too scared to say how they really feel. Let’s talk honestly and deal with our own emotions so that we can all heal, and help each other on our journeys to a better place.
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