What is it like living with a mental illness?

Honestly, I can say this in one word. Lonely.

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for over six years now and I can tell you it is an extremely lonely place to be. Even when you are with all your friends and family, you can feel like you are completely out of place.

I felt like I did not belong. I felt like I was not a part of my friend circle or my family. They didn’t know what I was actually feeling. I had a fake smile on my face for the most part and it seemed to fool those closest to me.

I tried to find comfort in all the wrong places. I indulged in ways that affected me negatively in the long run. I found myself only holding onto momentary bursts of pleasure as a way to distract myself.

I could not be alone with my thoughts. They scared me. I couldn’t even be around other people - it made me feel hollow. There was a constant battle between my anxiety and depression which left me feeling numb and full of pain.

I tried talking to my friends a couple of times but I just felt like I was a burden. How many times could I call someone when I was in the middle of a panic attack? How many times could I lean on those around me?

I isolated myself from a lot of my family and friends. It felt easier to do than to explain to them what I was dealing with. I was constantly tired, emotionally drained and in constant agony. I no longer wanted to take care of myself - I had given up on my physical and mental health at one point. I felt like my mental illness had got the better of me.

I had days where I could not get myself out of bed, I could not find the motivation to get to class, I did not want to be around people, I wanted to just be by myself. I could not do anything. I would either feel nothing or everything. There was no middle ground here. And there was only so much pain I could handle.

The reality of the situation is that you feel no one can understand you - because actually speaking up about it can be so difficult. It can feel lonely at times and you feel like you’re losing your mind. You’re stuck in that constant ‘blah’ state which doesn’t seem to go away. It took me a long time to understand what I do now - your family and friends will help you. Talk to the people you trust and be open about what you’re feeling.

You have a support system, you have people who care for you

We all have a support system, you just have to extend your hand out and ask for help sometimes. The help will always be there. I know how difficult it can be to ask for help when you're struggling; but if you don't look out for yourself, how will others be able to?